Stay up out of folks' scalps

Talking with one of my buddies from H.S: Dominique over at Thick.Fine.Healthy, we’re chatting

Wedding hair

about how some folk always up in peoples’ lives. From side-eying the chubby girl eating a burger and broccoli to assuming girls who wear their hair short just can’t grow their hair.  I’ve been natural for over a decade and some of the comments I’ve heard…

“Aren’t you mixed? why isn’t your hair like *insert hapa here*”<

“Your hair is long why you keep wearing weave”

“Flat iron your hair for interviews”

“Don’t wear your hair so long”

“I can’t date no girls with nappy hair” <-first date...there was no second

While getting ready for the wedding the question that kept popping up. "How are you doing your hair for the wedding?"  It's no secret that hair is a big deal in black culture. It's one of those things about being black that is just always there. You can be a huge nerd, have no clue about hiphop, you can be raised rich and never known a prejudice in your gilded life. But whether straight, permed, curly, dreaded, braided, weaved, no weave... your black hair is inescapable.

whoo...I gotta lots o' hair

And neither are peoples’ opinions about what you should do with your hair. Mother holding on to one phrase “wear your natural hair for the wedding” as in no weave.  My hair is long thick and pretty strong but it’s soft, I get major shrinkage (length curly vs straightened), and I swim in chlorine.  Having weave help protects my hair and I usually wear it 2-4 inches within my natural hair straightened length. Nobody even realized I was wearing weave. “See, I told you didn’t need all that hair” my mother proudly proclaimed.  lol
When I was twisting my hair for the wedding (coz I’m cheap and have done my own hair for the better part of 7 years) one of my white friends said “I wish black girls didn’t have such a complex about their hair”.   A black guy who is in a crew I used to run said “Breaking out the hot comb for the wedding?” another older chinese lady at my local hair store said “Oh, wedding?” as she tells me about the special they have on relaxers -_-

shrinkage is a beast

Like  juicing, natural hair has become a movement. It makes me happy that black women are learning to love their hair and more of us are learning a key skill of being adult: how to do your own hair. That was the other reason I started styling my own hair, didn’t want to be at the mercy of someone else to look presentable.   But with any movement there’s the fanatics, in addition to all the random comments regarding black hair anyway.  It’s great to embrace natural hair but we have it on our terms. You’re not less “black” for having permed or natural hair, it’s okay if you never wear an afro, and yet these are the things folk still need to learn.

Natural hair is the hair growing from your head - When I stopped relaxing my hair I really had no clue what my hair would look like. My mom would hot comb my hair as a kid, and keep it in braids. My mom has the most perfect disco-fro in her senior pic.

My sister has jet black kinky hair that does the coolest coils.

Me and My sis.
The difference: my style took about 20 extra minutes -_-

Then there's me... well it's kinky...kinda. It sort of fros, it definitely textured. Think kanekalon braiding hair but a bit thicker, that’s my natural dry hair.  In college I grabbed hair gel, afro-sheen and washed my hair only once a week. so I could get an afro.

In media we only see 3 kinds of natural hair: the natural straight/wavy, silky hair.  the amazing always perfect ringlets of curls of varying sizes. And the disco-fro.   And so we think well "My hair doesn't look like that...what's wrong?"  We set to twist outs, braid-outs, gels, and new combs to get that “natural curly” look. Hey if that’s your thing, it’s cool. But if you’re more inclined to buns, ponytails, braids, wigs, or relaxing your hair on the regular it’s fine. I realised I don’t like big hair (on me) it’s not because I’m ashamed of my hair, or of being afro-centric. It’s just that my style preference is different and I’ve worked in kitchens and construction most of my life.

age 13/14 always tons of hair

People go natural for different reasons. Allot of people who knew me in highschool gave me a hard time about not having straight hair. I went natural at 13 for 1 reason: my hair fell out. I had always had hair past my shoulders and I just couldn't deal with collar length hair. I didn't care about health, the enviro, afro-centric, though being in Chemistry did make me side eye the ingredients.  I just wanted long hair. "I rather have long kinky hair than short straight hair".  I still feel that way.  I had plenty of hair with a perm until that “bad one” and a year later I was back to having lots of hair.
If a person goes natural for hair growth, health, cultural, or other reasons. Some people realize it’s not for them and go back to relaxing their hair.These people are not failures, they didn’t succumb, it’s a personal choice of what works for them. Respect it.

It's not about "being black" or "being white".  Blonde hair, extensions, long hair. Seriously this whole "They're just trying to be white" is the silliest thing I've ever heard. The hair growing out of my hapa head is not european. It was at my waist at one point, if it was straight it'd be about Arm pit length.  I like long hair, my hair long, long twists, long braids.  On my natural journey I actually learned that I do not like long straight hair on me. Wanting pink and purple hair was about watching to much anime

Flat-ironed for my 21st birthday

Let your lover be: so you love long straight hair, real or weave, you miss your girly's natural waves. It’s just hair. I’ve seen men straight up leave their women for going natural and women berate their husbands to shave their dreads.  Sure you’re entitled to your opinion and sometimes your lover may need some style help but asking them to perm or weave their hair just for you? not cool.

People ask me if I ever get backlash about my hair in dating. Honestly...no. I get more compliments than anything from everyone. Admittedly when I have worn my hair in straighter styles I do get more attention but is it really good attention?  I’m walking with shades in front of of some random guy trying to holler before he’s even seen my face.  Any man who’s really that concerned about me having straight hair down to my booty needs to date a wig.  

Moral of the story: Stay up out of folks’ scalp