For Our Engineering Cupcake :)

Guest Blog by Dominique

Jasmine is taking the EIT Saturday and jokingly asked me to write a post for her. She’s awful at being dramatic and if anything called for it, this test is it! Seriously, you can’t just let a good dramatic episode go to waste! Unfortunately, she’s just not bout that life. But I am. So in the in the (slightly altered) words of Beyonce’s Sir & Boo in Life aka Sir Jay Z:

“I’m going through this. So hopefully, Jasmine won’t have to go through this.”

And by “this” I mean I’m going to cut the fool for her. Normally I write about getting healthy (at Thick. Fine. Healthy.) but today I’d like to write about why Jasmine is amazing.

Jasmine let her crazy friend guest write for her blog. She had no idea what would happen! She knows I got shenanigans OWN DECK! In fact, I have a Google Doc for said shenanigans and I’m opening an account specifically for them.

Jasmine runs Engineered Cupcakes. I love cupcakes. I love them like God loves Jesus. Wait...Is that blasphemous? WAIT! Ummmm….I love cupcakes like I love Jeezy, Prince, Beyonce, Al Green, Missy Elliott and Roger Troutman!

Supporting Evidence:

• We have already developed a cupcake-design service bartering system should we ever live in the same city.
• This system includes a cupcake cap so that I don’t gain my weight back.
• Her cupcakes are clean and I’m a clean eater. LOOK AT GOD!
• I also love cake in any form as well as pie. SHE. MAKES. PIE!

Jasmine is really good at math. Even the ones that make me flinch like somebody was going to throw the book at me. If I don’t marry a man who is good at math AND equally as good at not getting frustrated when me and our kids just don’t quite get it, we’ll be calling Jasmine every night.

My future kid: Mama, I need help with my homework.

Me: CALL JASMINE! YOU KNOW I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!

Supporting Evidence:

• Everytime I tell my mom about an aforementioned shenanigan followed by, “It’s fine! I’ve done the math!” she immediately yells, “OH LORD!” Because there is a good chance something has gone horribly wrong (-_-). Jasmine doesn’t do that….I’m lying. She does. But with Jasmine and my mama, I have TWO people to check my work! AND SOMETIMES IT’S RIGHT!

Jasmine is also really good at science. I took physical science, biology, chemistry and anatomy in high school and fought to pass all of them. I swear I felt like I was dying every year. Every year, there was a point where I thought I finally got it…..and then I got my test back. I’m pretty sure my teachers graded my tests like O_O. I actually like science but it doesn’t like me back. I’m all, “Hey boo!” And it’s all,

Supporting Evidence:

• She helps make my shenanigans possible! THAT ALONE MAKES HER GREAT! THE STREETS NEED ME!
• I thought Jasmine had brain static after too much studying. It turns out there is a type of Physics called “statics”. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE OTHER TYPES OF PHYSICS BESIDES QUANTUM UNTIL YESTERDAY! Somebody call Alex Trebek!

Jasmine is good at combining her science with her math. I’m the opposite. I know this because last year I needed to know how much dry rice was in a single serving using the cooked rice’s measurement. Jasmine was busy that day and left me to fend for myself so I ended up asking Twitter. Someone retweeted it for me and I had her followers trying to help me. Oddly enough, I figured it out on my own….four hours and a nasty headache later.

Supporting Evidence:

• Again….she makes my shenanigans possible. I have TWO Jasmine-approved projects right now…...and four that she won’t sign off on. She’ll come around.
• She built a coffee machine and a heated crepe vending machine. I don’t really care for crepes (too eggy for me) but AN ENTIRE COFFEE MACHINE WITH SPECIAL SETTINGS! *faints*

Jasmine is a female engineer. She’s an engineer and a woman. AT THE SAME DAMN TIME! She’s basically a unicorn. I’m pretty sure if Future knew her, he would have added a line in the song specifically for her. I’ve decided to make it my life’s work to make sure he knows so he can introduce me to Jeezy and talk about her in a late remix to the song.

Jasmine said she’d write a food science post for my blog. Remember how I said I like science? Well, I love food science. It’s one of the things Jasmine and I have in common. So having a food science post for Thick. Fine. Healthy. makes me happier than a Beyonce stan at the Mrs. Carter Tour (I went July 20th). I’m lying. It’s more like the happiness you feel when the tour dates are posted.

Supporting Evidence:

• We both stan for Sir Alton (Brown)!!!

Jasmine is taking the EIT. As explained, the Engineering in Training Exam is basically an 8-hour math test. Excuse me, I have to go die and be resurrected.

Supporting Evidence:

• Eight. Hours. of Math. The SAT and ACT weren’t that long and I almost didn’t make it! When I took the ACT, I was in a room with no heat...next to the only space heater. At some point, my body gave it to God because I was KNOCKED OUT! O_o
• If you told me I had to take an 8-hour test, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as calm about it as Jasmine is. You’d have to throw a dictionary at me to even remind me what calm, relax, and breathe even meant!
• I’d spend ¼ of my study time writing my eulogy preparing my will, and planning my funeral.
• I’d show up to the test with my ID and SSN card PLUS a copy of my eulogy, my will and a video message to my friends and family. I’d hand it to the test facilitator and at 8am, I’d open my test booklet and die right where I sat.
• They’d call my mama to tell her I died and she wouldn’t even be shocked. She’d be like, “Yeah, I was hoping she’d at least start the test but okay.”

I’m aware that none of those supporting points have anything to do with Jasmine and that’s my point! She’s not doing any of those things! She has accepted her fate, meanwhile I’m over here trying to decide what kind of cupcakes I want at my funeral! I’M NOT EVEN TAKING A TEST SATURDAY!

Since I have the “be dramatic” and “make Jasmine laugh” jobs well taken care of, I’d like to ask that the rest of you send your prayers and/or good vibes Jasmine’s way. Then run and tell your friends and family to do the same because JASMINE IS AMAZING :)

Notes:

If you don’t believe Jasmine is amazing, you just leave your address in the comments and we can schedule a time to fight because WHAT I SAY GOES! Also, Jasmine’s calmness is relative to my own (lack thereof).